The Power of Questions: They're Shaping Your Reality

Have you ever stopped to consider the impact that questions have on your life? Tony Robbins, a master coach, believes that it is not the events that happen to us that determine how we feel and act, but rather the meaning we create from those experiences. Learning to ask empowering questions, especially in moments of crisis, is a critical skill that can shape the meanings we create and ultimately enhance the quality of our lives.

The mind loves making your questions come true

The mind loves it when you ask questions. Asking a question requires your mind to search for and respond with an answer. Even if it does not have the correct answer, it will do everything in its power to align with fulfilling the question. In other words, it makes that question true.

So it is important to ask yourself the right type of questions because your mind focuses on and is heavily influenced by the type of question asked. And in life, whatever we focus on, is what life will provide more of.

Empowering questions and disempowering questions will trigger different responses. For example, asking yourself negatively orientated disempowering questions will then get a response of anxiety and stress. And to make things worse, we will repeatedly ask the same types of questions over and over again.

Types of questions

First, let's define empowering questions and disempowering questions. Empowering questions are open-ended questions that encourage positive thinking and problem-solving. They focus on possibilities and solutions that help you move forward. On the other hand, disempowering questions are closed-ended questions that discourage positive thinking and problem-solving. They focus on negative aspects, blame, regret, and denial.

Empowering questions are a powerful tool for personal development and goal achievement. They help us shift our focus from negative thoughts and self-limiting beliefs to positive ones that encourage growth and action. Asking these types of questions can lead to significant improvements in our mental health, relationships, careers, and overall quality of life.

Here are some benefits of asking empowering questions:

1. Improve self-esteem: Asking empowering questions that acknowledge our strengths, skills, and accomplishments can help boost self-esteem and confidence.

2. Reduce stress: Negative thoughts and self-doubt can lead to stress and anxiety. By asking empowering questions, we can challenge these negative thoughts and replace them with more positive ones, which can help reduce stress levels.

3. Promote goal achievement: Empowering questions help us clarify our goals and motivate us to take action towards achieving them.

4. Increase motivation: Asking empowering questions can help us identify our reasons for wanting to achieve a goal, which can increase our motivation to take action.

5. Improve decision-making: Empowering questions can help us gain clarity about our options and make better decisions.

Examples

Here are some examples of disempowering questions:

· 'Why can't I do this?’
· 'Why does my job suck?'
· 'Why don’t the kids do as I tell them?'
· 'Why am I overweight and unfit?'
· Why does this always happen to me?
· Why don't I like myself?
· Why can't I ever lose weight?

We’ll take a closer look at the first of these disempowering questions – 'Why can't I do this?’

This question assumes that:
a) there is something to be done and
b) you can't do it.

In order to even understand the question, your mind automatically begins to search out all the reasons why 'you can't do' whatever it is that you perceive needs to be done. No matter what answer you receive, you are accepting the basic premise of the question i.e. you are incapable of taking action. This is confirmation bias.

Your mind is doing its job. It’s looking for proof to confirm the type of question you have asked it – to confirm your reality. Your mind is going to cherry-pick evidence to confirm the question. It will find, and only find and provide, an answer that makes the question true. So be intentional about the type of question you ask yourself.

If you are feeling in a dark place, instead of recounting or ruminating misfortunes, ask the mind “How does it get better than this?” And keep on asking this question, repeat it over and over again… and answers that reinforce that question will arise.

Empowering Questions

Now let's reformulate the question into an empowering one, like this for example: 'How can I most easily make this work?'

This empowering question presupposes that:
a) this can work,
b) there are a number of ways this can work and
c) it can be done easily.

The assumptions or presuppositions contained within the question act as a directional compass and your mind then searches for how to make this true.

Empowering questions have the ability to change your focus in an instant, transforming your state of mind from limiting to expansive. These questions force your mind to search for information that focuses on possibilities and solutions, that help you move forward.

Here is a sample list of empowering questions to help you in creating your own questions:

a) What else could this mean?
b) What could I be even more grateful for?
c) What would happen if this just wasn’t a problem anymore?
d) What is the smartest way I can solve this problem?
e) What would make this even more motivating and exciting for me?
f) What am I going to stop doing today that in stopping will help me succeed?

Having asked yourself an empowering question, if you’re not happy with the answer you are getting back, you can either change the question or keep asking until you are happy. Your mind will keep on searching for you until a useful answer has been found.

Exercises to try

“At the end of the day, the questions we ask of ourselves determine the type of people that we will become.” Leo Babauta – creator of Zen Habits

Empowering questions have a dramatic effect on everything you do in life, because, whatever you focus on the most will eventually become your reality. By training yourself to consciously ask empowering questions, regardless of your circumstances, you will be able to direct your mind to focus on new possibilities and solutions. It is going to significantly impact how you feel and what you achieve.

Your empowering question should always move you toward your goal(s).

ASK YOURSELF THESE FIVE EMPOWERING QUESTIONS EVERY MORNING

NLP Master Coach Paul McKenna recommends that we ask ourselves these five empowering questions every morning. When we ask ourselves these questions we are forced to go into a positive state in order to answer them, and the more specific our answers, the richer the positive state we will create!

· Who or what in my life makes me feel happiest?
· Who or what in my life makes me feel most loved?
· Who or what in my life makes me feel richest?
· Who or what in my life makes me feel most passionate?
· Who or what in my life makes me feel most empowered?

Remember to leave a pause after each question to let the question resonate throughout your mind and body. As you answer each question, create a vivid representation of whatever it is you are thinking about, and then amplify it. For example, if you are thinking about what really makes you feel happy, in your imagination you could make the colors brighter, the sounds louder and the feelings stronger.

NOW IT’S YOUR TURN – GO AHEAD AND DEVELOP SOME EMPOWERING QUESTIONS OF YOUR OWN

Write out at least 10 empowering questions. e.g.

1. What is one thing I am grateful for today?
2. What is one thing I can do today to make someone else's life easier or better?
3. What is one thing I am proud of myself for accomplishing today?
4. What is one thing I can learn or try new today?
5. What is one thing I can do today to move me closer to my goals?

These questions are designed to help you shift your focus to positive thinking and take action towards your goals. Remember, ask yourself these questions twice a day and revise them every two weeks to keep them relevant and effective.

Your questions will typically open doors of new opportunities and insights that in turn will unlock new paths that you can take full advantage of. But even if all that happens is that you learn from the experience, then asking these questions will have been worthwhile.